Pit Guy

You know how the new Snickers commercials revolve around the statement, “ You’re not you when you’re hungry?” Well, I’m not me when I’m angry.
 

I don’t like being mad. I don’t like holding grudges against people, either. Whenever I do, I always feel like I have an ice-cold heart of darkness and I do not like it. This is why I tend to let go of situations beyond my control and why I always forgive people very easily.
 

In my opinion, forgiveness is the final form of love. Forgiving someone takes a lot of patience, humility, and strength. Thus, it makes it one of the hardest things to do and this is why it is the final form of love.
 

As a Catholic, I am taught to “love my enemies”. I used to think this was such an absurd idea! I used to think, “How on earth can I love someone who I hate?” However, as I got older I began realized the importance of forgiving those who have hurt me: Forgiveness is not for the other person. Forgiveness is not for God. Forgiveness is for me.
 

In one of my favorite episodes of “How I Met Your Mother”, the gang deals with their own “pit guy” (which is someone that a person has been obsessed or angry with that they would throw them in a pit in their basement, “The Silence of the Lambs” style). Throughout the episode, each member deals with his or her own pit guy. They go through various stages of anger, to grief, to violence, to forgiveness (in a very comedic manner, of course).
 

But what touched me the most was what was said towards the end of the episode. In a voice over, Ted Mosby said, “Sometimes in life you’ll make a pit for someone in your mind. But ultimately, the only person in that pit is yourself.”
 

I think that is one of the most beautiful quotes I have ever heard. That quote has stuck with me ever since I watched the episode. And every time I make an imaginary “pit” for someone in my mind, I remember what Ted Mosby said and I pull myself out of the pit.
 

I have not confronted my friend yet and she has not talked to me. But in my heart, I forgive her. I really do.
 

 

xoxo
Cassie

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Misanthropic

I. Hate. People.

 
(Except for you, of course.)
 
Do you remember when last week I talked to a few of my friends (around six of them) about my fears of being pregnant? Today I discovered that one of the girls told my secret to someone else when I specifically asked for them not to tell anyone. What hurts more is this “friend” did it on purpose.
 
I found out towards the end of my day (before my last class, sociology), so it didn’t ruin much of my day. But still, I was very hurt and affected. I shed a few tears during sociology, however I was able to compose myself and focus.
 
When I got home, I broke down and cried. Teenage girls can be so cruel. I thought I was done being tormented and back stabbed, but I guess I was wrong. I realized how alone I am in my new school, even if the school year is about to end. I miss Ateneo. I miss my real friends. I miss home.
 
“Hurt” isn’t an accurate word to describe how I feel right now. I rarely hold grudges against people, but when I do it’s because someone has betrayed my trust. And I’m sure you know by now that once someone has lost my trust, that person can never get it back.
 
I’m so glad I have you. I know you would never do anything to hurt me, and that’s why I feel like you are my only true friend in the world. Thank you for always being there to protect me and for always being in my corner. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for loving me.
 
You are my best friend and, at times, the only friend I have because you are the only person in the entire world whom I find comfort in. I don’t know what I would do without you.
 
xoxo
Cassie
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Languor

Monday mornings are always tiring, but Monday mornings after an exhausting weekend? It’s a whole new kind of death.

The part where I chatted with you was the only good part about my morning. If you weren’t on the other line, I honestly would never have woken up. And when you went offline I felt my fatigue kick in, even though I went to slept relatively early. The retreat was that tiring.

I made my coffee stronger than usual because I knew I would have a long day ahead. In my first subject, English, we watched a movie entitled “What About Bob?” The movie had nothing to do with our English subject; our prof just decided to reward us with a movie related to our major.

The movie stars Bill Murray as a multi-phobic, neurotic man who follows his intelligent yet ignorant psychiatrist all the way to New Hampshire (where the psychiatrist is spending vacation with his family). I thought the film was pretty funny. Only I could understand certain references and innuendos because I grew up in America. For example, when they showed “The Brady Bunch” I was the only one who could relate.

In my developmental psychology class, we finished a discussion about Middle Childhood. We talked a lot about anxiety and neuroticism, so I opened up to my professor and classmates about my anxiety. I told them why I always play 2Fuse or another game on my cellphone before any quiz or test. I explained that playing games is the only way I can get rid of my nerves so that I don’t get test anxiety. I also explained that I picked up smoking because my anxiety was very severe. I was happy to report, however, that I’ve quit smoking and I’m finding other ways to cope with my anxiety and low emotional stability. My classmates and professor were very proud of me.

I don’t think I’ve told you a lot about my condition. I’d love to tell you more when we talk on the phone. 🙂

Because I’m a scholar, I have 14 hours of work to do by the end of the semester. Some people have to do 30 or 40 hours, but my scholarship is mostly academic and I have to maintain a very high average, so my hours are lower than most scholars. I worked from 12-4. I was supposed to work until 6, but I asked someone to cover my last two hours. I wanted to go home and greet you a good morning.

Anyway, I hope you have an amazing day today! I love you. Always try to aim for happiness and self-fulfillment. Shit is destined to happen, but what you do in those crappy situations is what defines you.

Mmmmmmmmmwah!

xoxo
Cassie

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First Monthsary

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Exactly one month ago
Lots of sparks flew

I did not expect
To fall so fast
But you were so lovable
I let go of my doubts, at last

Everyday since then
I’ve learned to love you more
From the way you bat your eyes
To the way you work the floor

I couldn’t be happier
To be with someone like you
So happy monthsary, baby!
My best friend, my boyfriend, my love so true.

(I tried! Haha. Happy monthsary, Michael! I love you!)

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(This is going to be a really short entry because I can’t think of anything to say. I’ve already told you everything I was going to blog. I’m sorry! I hope you enjoy this picture of my beautiful chemistry book.) ❤

I can think of about twenty billion things I’d much rather do than study. The first thing out of twenty billion is to talk to you.

I know it’s selfish of me to think this, but I secretly hope you wake up so that I can chat with you. I’m lonely.

It’s these times where I need you here the most. I always need you, but when I’m tired and lonely that’s when I could really use your loving embraces and electrifying kisses.

I need you. I need your loving embraces and electrifying kisses.

xoxo
Cassie

Needs

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Roller coaster

Today was an interesting day. Today has had its fair share of ups and downs, sort of like a roller coaster.

Do you remember that chemistry quiz I thought I failed a while back? Well, it turns out I got a near-perfect score. I ended up getting an A! I was also one of the few who passed. Because my score was high, I broke the curve for everyone else. Needless to say I received many phony compliments and words of congratulations. Tough love.

But, my spirits were dampened once I took my lab tests. Now I’m POSITIVE I failed.

I heard “Marry Me” twice today: once on the way to the Bureau of Immigration and and again at the mall. I also heard a remix of “Sweet Escape” on the radio. I had another one of those crazy throwback moments!

Because we’re American citizens, we have to fill out an annual report and pay a fee for our visas. The Bureau of Immigration gave us a hard time and we spent a lot of time there AND we still have to go back tomorrow! Ugh.

I couldn’t help but smile as I read your blog. I had a hard time understanding it because most of the Filipino words you used were very deep. After I read it, I thought about how well I could write in Filipino without using a translator or dictionary. One of these days I will write a love letter for in Filipino.

I hope you have an amazing day today! I love you! :*

xoxo
Cassie

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Spirals

I’m so mad at myself. I feel like I’m on a downward spiral. Every time I feel like I’m doing better in school, something always comes up which proves me otherwise. I feel like I always take two steps up the ladder only to fall back to the ground again.

I went to school in a great mood. But as soon as I walked into my first class, I discovered that my portfolio was due today and I had no idea. They claimed it was announced on Friday but I can’t remember anything being said.

…But I think God heard my prayers, because the prof forgot to collect the portfolios.

I’ve learned my lesson (again). I can’t let bad situations get to me.

But anyway. Enough of that.

I read your blog and I was so happy to know that you are seriously considering studying here. You won’t regret going to Ateneo. I can promise you the education is at par with the colleges in America. Their standards are high and the quality is great. And Ateneo has a lot of foreign students as well as a special organization.

I love you, baby! I really appreciate you for trying. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. You are truly the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. 🙂

xoxo
Cassie

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